your mind made up

This post is one of what I assume will be an ongoing series of posts, as I find myself more often living single than living coupled. Since being quarantined, living single now is a different experience than what I was used to. Currently my days are spent in my living room binge watching TV series, FaceTiming everyone I know, and swiping through dating prospects for an endless amount of time. Sure, those sound like your average time-killers, but online dating has definitely been a bit different since going out isn’t currently an option.

Before I get into it, let’s quickly flash back to 2010 when my journey began. I was about 25 years old and was introduced to online dating by my roommate who had recently become single (for a hot second). During this time in my life, most of my friends were already in relationships and many were getting married and moving on to another stage in life. I was still at the point of figuring out the type of person I wanted to spend my time with, and what would work for me in a relationship.

My roommate started talking about different dating sites, but I didn’t think it would be something that I’d be into. For one, I already knew that I didn’t have any issues with introducing myself or making random small talk – in social settings, I’ve never been one to sit back and wait to see if something might happen. Secondly, the thought of online dating was so embarrassing! I had this perception that the only type of people who joins these sites are desperate, probably have terrible personalities (since they can’t find someone in real life), and/or they’re psychopaths. Again, keep in mind this was new for me and I was young and judgmental. Despite being hesitant, I pulled the trigger and joined…whatever, no one had to know how we met.

What I find to be the most difficult part of dating online is having to create my bio. I truly struggle with coming up with my paragraph and wind up putting way too much thought on making it the perfect little intro. Do I talk about the qualities I’m looking for in a guy, what I do in my spare time, should I be funny (am I funny?), is anyone going to read it – are they going to look past the pictures? And speaking of pictures, how many selfies are too many?

This pressure comes from the weight of importance that I put on a guy’s bio. It’s the most important factor in determining which way to swipe when I come across a new profile. From my perspective, if I can’t find anything to relate to, then I’m going to have a really tough time coming up with my “pick up line”. I need a little something to work with, so if the profile is blank, or they write “just ask” – no thanks, I’m moving on to the next one.

I’ve only had experience with two dating sites – from 2010 to some time in 2012 I was on Plenty of Fish and now I’ve been using Bumble. Both make it pretty easy to find a date, but I prefer Bumble since ladies have to make the first move. Again, their bio makes it easy for me to come up with my opening line – I have no filter with this, so whatever I think of first is what I send. It’s hit or miss for sure, sometimes it gets a good laugh and we keep the conversation going and other times they delete the message right away, or just never respond – either way I don’t put all my eggs in one basket. I make sure to message every single one of my matches so that way I have multiple options.

Since quarantine, I have less messages to keep up with. Personally I’m not as invested in connecting with a match because ultimately my expectation is to meet them in person. Since there’s no end to social distancing in sight, I’m laying low for now. However when I am up for it, it’s nice to be able to message and chat with strangers to maintain my social skills. My favorite feature in the app is video chat, this way I don’t have to keep giving out my number to strangers only to have to block them when we decide we’re not into each other. The downside besides not physically meeting, is that most conversations fizzle out pretty quickly since no one is out and about doing things like we used to.

Prior to quarantine, the connections I made from October to February (I joined Bumble late September) happened to be pretty good! There were a good amount of matches that never made it to live dates, and I have FaceTime to thank for that. The one’s who were cut were either too forward or too shy, which is why I prefer at least one FaceTime before a real date. You get to see them in action and you don’t waste a great outfit for no reason. There were 3 guys who I spent more time with than others. Each had great qualities but all were very different from one another.

Bachelor #1 was super handsome, before meeting him I was certain he was a catfish. He was really successful in his field and active in the community, but he was definitely a player, so not someone I was considering for a relationship. Bachelor #2 was down-to-earth, family oriented, and we always shared a ton of laughs, but for some reason I just never felt a romantic connection with him. The silver lining here is that we still remain friends. Bachelor #3 was a blast from the past – he was someone I knew from my hometown so we connected instantly. He was a hard worker, affectionate, and someone I could see being a great provider in the future. After some time together, he shared that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, so we moved on. Since then I’ve been quarantined.

To all the single ladies, I can tell you that there is no shortage of men on dating sites. However, be prepared to come across your exes, your neighbors, and anyone you’ve ever gone to school with – if you live close enough to where you grew up or went to college, you’ll be reconnected with lots of familiar faces.

Looking back on my introduction to online dating to where I am now, I never considered this would have evolved into something that I’d be enjoying in my thirties. Yes, you read that right…I’m enjoying dating. Would I like to be in a relationship? Of course! But I’m not frantically on the hunt to find just anyone to settle down with.

I obviously don’t have the answer to finding Mr. Right, but I do know he’s out there. When the time comes for me to take my love life more seriously, I’ll make it a priority. In the meantime, I’m having a good time getting to know all of the guys in between.